3 Ways to Support Children & Their Maturing Nervous System in Feeling Safe and Well
I’ve written in other blogs about foundational ways to support a child so their nervous system is able to better integrate the day to day and experiences. These are 3 additional specific ways that are beneficial and nurturing for parent and child through deepening breath and coming into the senses and body.
Quick Recap of the Basics
Basically a young child (birth to 7) is really one big sense organ and takes in everything they are exposed to. Some say that being aware of the quality and quantity of what they take in with their senses - what they see, feel, smell, hear in their environment - is as important as the quality of the food they eat. It makes sense since they take in the world through imitation and don’t have the internal filters or capacity yet to be able to shut the outside world out. Often it’s just a case of too much coming in to integrate and that unintegrated stuff creates tension and stress in the body and nervous system.
Good news is that there are many ways to clear stress and accumulate less 😊 - #1 do less - simplifying and slowing down in general and having less stuff is one (and we’re all kinda working on that Marie Condo!), creating predictability in terms of routines/rhythms in the day or week, time outside, snuggling, play wrestling, touch, movement, good food, water, laughter.
The 3 Pieces That I’ll Focus on In This Article
1. The power of touch specifically brought in through wrapping and rolling games. We know about swaddling for babies but these games are for children up to 7 years old. Really many adults enjoy this so age is not a factor actually!
These games are playful in intention and feel wonderful.♥️ They build a sense of safety and boundary in the body and help tensions release through a large surface area as the body is gently rolled over the ground.
Approach it with an attitude of discovery and delight! 🙂
Those who do enjoy the wrapping (most kids!) experience much benefit in terms of relaxation and a feeling of security from ‘being held’. Rolling helps the child ground into the body more fully and the child’s breath to come from a deeper part in the body which is very integrative and calming for the nervous system.
Here’s one game from a favourite book of mine called ‘The Breathing Circle’ by Nell Smyth.
The Game Set up
Make sure the fabrics you choose for the wrapping are soft and lovely to the touch like silk if you can but whatever is inviting and comfortable will work. A yard of material is usually enough.
The cloth is laid out invitingly for the child to lay down on and is wrapped up tightly-snuggly during the first 2 lines of the verse so the child feels secure and held. We’ll go into detail of this in a moment.
Hot Tip - Make sure that when you wrap the child that the materials are snug and not flapping around as that will take away from the experience. You’ll get better at it over time and can always practice on a doll a little first!
Little Bundle Wrapping Game Verse
We wrap, wrap, wrap our little bundle till it’s tight and cozy.
We wrap, wrap, wrap our little bundle till it’s warm and dozy.
We roll, roll, roll our little bundle all over the ground.
We roll, roll, roll our little bundle till it’s home all safe and sound.
Instructions
Pretty simple. You are basically doing what you are saying in the verse!
While you sing/say the first 2 lines you wrap up the child in a cocoon making sure he/she is truly swaddled securely.
At the third line you gently roll the child over the floor away from you with the palm of your hands. Shoulder and hip are good places to apply gentle pressure to let the rolling happen.
At the fourth line you are rolling the child back towards you. You can roll them up into your arms cradling them at the end as they arrive back in your arms. I liked to do that and sing a lullaby when they were in my arms before placing them gently back on the ground - sometimes children like the challenge at the end of wiggling themselves free without help!
Note: If a child is not keen at first don’t abandon it just yet. If this is the case start with doing the wrapping game with your child on a doll or stuffy or another willing child OR let them wrap you up (!). Invite and of course never force. In my experience of sharing this with children often those who were more hesitant at first ended being the ones in love with the game the most over time.
2. Protection Stories. Bring in protection stories. Stories in general are powerful at this time of life as children live in picture consciousness and imagination. Don’t feel like you have to be a story making machine. Repeating the same story more than once has numerous benefits and less is more. Also, there are many wonderful stories out there that I can direct you to as well.
With storytelling, because the brain doesn’t know what is real or imagined you can offer children beautiful experiences of joy, safety and belonging through stories. These can directly affect the tone in their nervous system and their breath in a calming way. You have probably seen a child immersed in a story and how their face softens as they meet with the storyteller in the world of imagination … their mouth opens a little and their breath slows and deepens. A balm for their nervous system.
‘Protection Stories’ is the name Suzanne Down coined for stories that bring a sense of comfort and safety to a child - that leave the child with an ‘all is well’ feeling. The story weaves in and builds images of safety and comfort and being cared for that the child easily enters into and receives the benefits from. Many stories can be adjusted to be a protection story once you get the hang of it. The ending has the trademark of leaving us with an “all is so well” feeling … leaves the listener right in “the heart of happiness”.🦋
Here’s an article and a sweet story about an old pinecone that is an example by Suzanne Down herself!
3. Lastly, a big way to support our children’s nervous system that isn’t talked about a lot is to increase our capacity to attend to our own feelings and deal with our stress. Big feelings and being triggered is part of life and in my experience it amplifies in parenting (!). Being proactive in addressing our own stress and increasing our capacity to be with what arises in us is a huge gift to our child and our relationship with him/her.
A teacher of mine shared that if a parent isn’t feeling their own feelings the children in the room will be left to feel them for them. In speaking with some girlfriends last Summer about this many of us realized that we had done this as a child - felt the unacknowledged feelings of our mothers/fathers and … we didn’t like it much!🙃
Bottom line is that the more we care for ourselves and learn to care for our feelings simply through acknowledging them with kindness, the less our child has to.
And be gentle and light about this. It’s a skill and capacity most of us did not have modelled and it’s legitimately hard when we’re triggered to know how to be with big emotions of anger, sadness or fear consciously.
PS - If you feel like you could use support with this in particular I can help (and I would love to)! In my naturopathic practice I have been offering and teaching Emotion Coaching Processes based on the Yoga and Chinese Medicine principles of restoring flow and health in the body and mind for the last 5 years. These body centered simple processes open the door to clear accumulated stress and tension from the body and improve physical and emotional well-being at the same time . Clearing the old allows you to more easily access your intuition - so helpful for mothering and living a life true to you! Link below to book an appointment if needed.
Wishing you and your family health, joy and peace. Please reach out if you are interested in getting extra support in any of the topics in this blog.
xo, Dr. Monika
